Just afraid I will fall in love with you
Maybe one day I wouldn’t be able to control myself
from falling in love with you
Thinking of you only hurts myself
I just can’t help falling in love with you
Have you ever known that lyric? I am sure you have heard it before. It is F4’s song titled “Qing Fei De Yi”. Of course the original song is written in Taiwan Language, and I copy its English translation. You know, this song is very meaningful for me. It is like I am the actor of the song. It happened to me for real.
I was a student in one of universities in Yogyakarta. You know, I did not use to share my own story, but I am interested to tell you one of my stories. It is about my precious friend in my campus. I started to know her when we were in the Campus Orientation event, and the story of our journey had just begun. Afterwards, we had complicated relationship. We knew each other’s feeling, but nobody started to share that feeling. We kept our own feeling in our own heart only. We were afraid it will wreck our friendship when it is shared.
Our friends considered us as a wonderful pair because of our togetherness. We often had a discussion together since we belonged to the same department in a certain organization. You know, it was like such us opium, so addictive and hard to be left. Began from having discussion, we started to have dinner and sharing moment together. Moreover, we had some similar favorite places and events for hanging out together. We did not have any reason to do a lot of ridiculous things I had explained before. We just wanted to kill our time together.
Our friendship did not always go well. Sometimes, we got heavy mad and hasn’t been talking each other for 1 month. Fortunately, the moment of Idul Fitri helped us and solved our problem. Sometimes one of us should cry first so the other would try to understand. The more problem we had, the stronger relationship we got. Nevertheless, we knew that we were just in a friendship zone. The most important is I had had a girlfriend already. However, we were still enjoying our friendship.
April, 2014. Disaster came.
We knew, sooner or later our friendship will be stopped. Badly, we didn’t know how to end it. Our friendship was too wonderful to be ended. At that time, I began to realize: “everything will be precious whenever it is gone”. Unfortunately, she felt so. She sent me a message titled “My Sun”. We couldn’t help falling in love each other. I felt guilty for what had I done. We didn’t brave enough to face each other for next 2 month. But I’m sorry, I can’t tell you more. I am an introvert person.
Because, sunflower always faces towards the sun, wherever it goes.
Written by Hanan Waskitha